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I have spent seven years wondering if cancer broke my gut instinct. With every ache or pain, or thought of a long-term life dream, I would consider recurrence. What if it comes back?
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Four months ago today, on April 1, my mom, Luke and I walked into Rex Breast Care Specialists for our first meeting. It was the day I was officially diagnosed with breast cancer. At that meeting we plotted a course of action that included a lumpectomy followed by six weeks of radiation and five years on a drug called Tamoxifen. Suffice it to say, it was the least funny April Fool’s Day ever.
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I started jogging again with tears running down my face. It was such a moment for me as her voice kept blaring into my ears. “I run for hope, I run to feel…” I didn’t care that I was starting to feel sore from Thursday’s expansion. I was running to FEEL. I felt so alive.
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“How did you find it?”
“Was there a lump?”
“Do you have a family history?”
I have been peppered with questions like these since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Even the radiology teams and nursing folks all want to know, “You’re so young, how did you even have a mammogram?” or “How did you get here?” Especially because, to the surprise of many, there was no lump.
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The surgeons and medical sites offer such vague accounts and there are not many detailed, personal stories out there. Soooo, with that in mind… today marks three weeks since I was released from the hospital after my surgery and it seems as though this milestone has ushered in a pretty hefty speed bump. I am struggling.
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In the last week, I have gone from being a single woman with breast cancer to a married woman that is officially cancer free! To say it has been the biggest week of my life would be an understatement.
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